a mother

 The Saturday before Mother's Day we headed down to our old stomping grounds in south Provo to visit Auntie Kara at the cemetery. Our children are a whole year older from the last visit we made. Mark and I sat quietly and listened as Claire explained to her younger brothers where we were going and why it was important. My goal has always been to have Luke's adoption story a part of our regular conversation so that it is normal to discuss topics such as birth mothers and death and temple sealings. Luke seems to understand a tiny bit more when I talk to him about Auntie Kara. We tell him that he grew in her tummy kind of how Kaylin grew in Mommy's tummy. He knows that his beautiful brown eyes come from her. He recognizes her picture and brings her up when we discuss his birthday because I think the words birthday and birthmom are too close! Oh well, it's a starting place. I purchased a bright colored pinwheel for each kid to leave for Auntie Kara. I was impressed by how each child knew to place it in the grass. No one argued to keep their pinwheel as they knew it was for Kara. Even though two years have passed since her passing standing in the cemetery always brings back the intensity of our loss. This year my heart was sad as I thought about how I wish I could change Luke's story for him. There are some very unpleasant parts of where he came from and I can't make it any easier for him. I believe that my job is to steer him towards his Savior so that He can help Luke find clarity and peace as he grows and discovers who he is and his Heavenly Father's plan for him.